Kevin Garnett, Lakeith Stanfield, and Adam Sandler overtalking each other in Uncut Gems.

You are the most annoying person I’ve ever met. I hate being with you, I hate looking at you, and if I had it my way, I would never see you again.

-actual line from Uncut Gems, which doubles as its most accurate review.

Much ado has been made about Adam Sandler’s depiction of Howard Ratner, a fast-talking, uncouth, gambling-addicted NY City JEWler. To be fair, his performance is pretty good. So good that I can’t stand him. Howard is loud, he’s busy, and he has no chill. It’s amazing he doesn’t get his ass kicked weekly.

Adam Sandler as Howard Ratner in Uncut Gems

Unfortunately, the above quote also serves as Uncut Gems’ most accurate review. From one noisy, anxiety-induced scene to the next, one fact remains: I didn’t care about any of the characters or their decisions. Uncut Gems is a loud week in the life of a loser. At two separate points in the film, I literally covered my ears to drown the drivel. This is a film about a chump making chump moves, and I felt like a chump watching him for 2 hours and 15 minutes.

Uncut Gems, 1 of 4 stars.

See it if you love Kevin Garnett, see it if you like the 2012 Celtics, see it if you love shows like Showtime’s Shameless, or other programs meant to entertain us with portraits of poor choices.